Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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