fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
