at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
