dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
