So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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