mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it glows. i had to have it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
