you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize