I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
