did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
