She's JV to your varsity
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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