Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
vagina is talking i cant
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
