if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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