Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize