two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
