WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
