The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
someone owes me an orgasm
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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