did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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