wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
