Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
