left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
