omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
