The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Randomize
