whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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