pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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