No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
