I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
