I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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