I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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