Me. At least after what I've been through.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I've blown a few things in my day
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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