I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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