We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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