WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
