He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
