Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
