my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
