woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Randomize
