NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
