he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
