you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
