He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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