I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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