if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
