how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
