Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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