Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize