similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize