New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
