Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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