I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
