I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize