Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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