During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
