she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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