pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
