i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize