This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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