We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
