Pants 0. Shit 1.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
