so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
