Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
