I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
