I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
