Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
