Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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