Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
