I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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