no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
