I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
