you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
