I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize