i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
