Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize